Poseurs

Poseurs. Wikipedia defines a Poseur as a "person who adopts the dress, speech, and/or mannerisms of a group or subculture, generally for attaining acceptability within the group, yet who is deemed to not share or understand the values or philosophy of the subculture." We all know them. They're your friends and acquaintances who are so hip it hurts.

Most poseurs have a relative subsidizing their lifestyle. They are above discussing mundane issues such as finances, money or the economy because they are a non-issue. They rather discuss their blog on collecting bottle caps from third world countries and how to make organic miso-glazed salmon with cauliflower mash. The urban poseur buys a refurbished crack house for 300K cash (in a neighborhood of foreclosed homes) so they can say they live in the city.

They claim poverty and disenfranchisement through proximity rather than experience. Poseurs buy their clothing from thrift stores and deride their parents' carbon footprints but drive Land Rovers and BMWs. They have local organic food delivered to their homes and complain about the "sobering reality of our new planet" but spend $8 every morning for their skinny cinnamon dolce latte and muffin from Starbucks.

They reference obscure books, art and music. They pride themselves on their anti-establishment mentality but are registered Republicans and vacation on Figure Eight Island with private chefs and nannies on staff.

If you're ever at a dinner party with poseurs (as I recently had the pleasure) and want to have some real fun I have a few suggestions. When asked: "Why would you want to live in the suburbs?", reply "Because I enjoy breathing fresh air, wearing my jewelry in public and not being gang-raped on the way to the mailbox." When they talk about how their acupuncturist says they have "too much fire and wood", reply "My urologist can fix that for you." And when they complain about how "Corporate America has forced all the Mom & Pops stores out" tell them not to despair because you saw a local entrepreneur selling meth up the street and his business seemed to be thriving.

These little nuggets are sure to create a lull in conversation (if not bring it to a swift conclusion) thereby providing you with an excellent opportunity to make your escape exit. If all else fails say your goodbyes and tell them you look forward to seeing them in five years after they've squeezed out a couple babies and run to the suburbs. I guarantee-you'll never have to worry again about being invited to another dinner party.

You're welcome. :)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone